2 big girls.....

For those who don't see Lydia on a regular basis you may not know that I have a child who is still learning how to walk. She officially took her first 5 steps without any support when she was 16 months old. Ever since she turned a year old I kept thinking ...gee, she should be walking any day now!...hmmm, any day now...(4 months later)...um...any day now?!? At her last appointment, the pediatrician encouragingly said that she is absolutely fine and apparently is a child that exhibits forethought - she won't walk until she is confident she won't fall. What a gentle pediatrician. (Of course I immediately think of hundreds of daily tasks in which Lydia doesn't exhibit forethought...i.e. dumping mommy's entire cup of coffee on the couch...but that's another story). Anyways, at 16 1/2 months, she really is getting the hang of it and is just short of a brisk walk. However, her display of "forethought" has caused a bit of nursery confusion. I didn't think she could move up to the next nursery (ages 15 months to potty-trained) unless she could walk well so I've just kept her in the baby room, Nursery 1. About three weeks ago, when I went to pick of Lydia, the sweet nursery worker handed her to me and said, "She was great as usual. She was our Big Girl today!"

..................................(heart is sinking)...............................

Oh NO! My sweet one is the BIG GIRL! As a lifetime member of the "big girl" category, I walked away thinking.....Yep! We are moving you up! You are not going to be the Big Girl! Say goodbye to Nursery 1 Lydia!

Upon return to church last week, I proudly took my child to Nursery 2A. I passed her over the tall wall that blocks escapees with a quick mention she wasn't a great walker. They smiled and said it shouldn't be a problem. After the church service, I couldn't wait to see my 2A Angel. I picked Lydia up and another sweet nursery worker pulled me aside. I knew something wasn't right. "Um, she can't really walk yet, huh?" I smiled and asked, "What did she do?" The lady replied, "Well...I was concerned she was going to hit her head on the table the entire time and then she proceeded to crawl on top of all the chairs and table." Oh dear I thought. She recommended Lydia move back down for a couple of weeks until she really hit her stride as a accomplished walker.

So Promotion Sunday turned into DEmotion Sunday. And my child is back to being the "Big Girl."

I have had fun laughing and retelling this "traumatic" episode in Lydia's life to folks. In the grand scheme, it is absolutely not a big deal (no pun intended). In fact, it reveals more of my insecurities of being the "big girl" as much as anything else. Her "Big Girl" nursery moment was a trigger for me of the way I used to think about myself (i.e. my "scars" were showing) and even in this moment the Holy Spirit is gracious to catch my thoughts and remind me of he healing he brings. For most if not all of my life, I've struggled with not looking the way I wanted. I guess most everyone has struggled with this in some way. It is with great joy that I say the Lord has healed and continues to heal me in this area; I've come a long way with miles and miles to still yet go. Based on Lydia's parent's dimensions, it might be a good guess to say she will be bigger than other girls as she grows up and will probably be insecure about dating guys shorter than she, being asked if she plays basketball when she doesn't, being in the back row of pictures, wearing a size 9 shoe when she is in middle school, and sitting in the back of class because your head blocks the chalkboard. I am glad I have gone through the similar things she is sure to face...I look forward to moments with her when I can share my past and current struggles and exclaim the victories God has had in my life as he so delicately repairs the "year the locust have eaten" and the "fields long devastated." The interesting thing to me about wounds is the whole scarring thing. You would think that if a wound was truly healed, it would go completely back to normal and be almost indistinguishable from before the hurt. But one isn't the same after they are healed. Yes, there is healing, but we still have our memory, pictures, triggers, dreams, flashbacks, etc. In other words, the scar is still visible. I love the fact that Christ, being in his glorified body, had scars to show Thomas. What a dramatic moment inThomas' sanctification. What a vivid reminder of the work of the cross. I suppose the scar from a wound tenderly reminds us of the places from where we have come and the victories we've graciously receive....the work of the cross.

PS. I've had a large coffee from MCDs!

Whoa! I feel like you deserve a picture for reading all this!

As always, glory be to God.